The Story

I always know it's bad news time based on which songs I subconsciously select on my iPod. The overplaying of Brandi Carlile's "The Story" is the first sign that something is not right and really bad times are usually accompanied with excessive amounts of Sarah McLachlan and Tracy Chapman. I'm not there and that isn't necessarily what comes next, but it still sucks.

The story of my life lately was how awesome everyone else's relationships are compared to mine. People with fiances, wives, children... All very nice people. All people I choose to be with because I like them. In the past few weeks I have been to a wedding, birthday parties and my class orientation, all of which were filled with these people. I find it somewhat dysfunctional that I tend to leave their joyful presence as a girl disappointed with her unwarranted overconfidence and drained of her supposed self-awareness.

It really doesn't help that I have spent my life attaching myself to proxy companions who allow me to avoid the scariness that is "commitment" in any way, shape or form. This person usually accompanies me to various events and serves as somewhat of a shield for my fear of standing at a party all alone in a room full of people with no one to talk to. To my detriment, this type of relationship never works out in the end. They're either gay or gets a real girlfriend or actually wants to date me or just plain leaves. Someday I'll learn.